Sometimes
by hollyhocks09
Summary: The war is over but Harry is still fighting.He's on the verge of insanity. Severus is doing everything he can to keep Harry from going mad, but is it enough?And when Snape starts to lust after him, how will they handle it? Rates M for juicy lemons.
1. Chapter 1

Hey guys, so if you read my Harry Potter story, there will be a sequal, but after this one is up, because I dont want to rush it. But be patient it will come! Also please revwie on this story, I really really love it! I hope you enjoy, and if anyone wants to be my beta please gte in touch. :)

_All right_, Severus would admit it, _sometimes_ he fucked students and then bumped their grades up.

He had been teaching for 13 years, and had never had a girlfriend, or a boyfriend before (something he was extremely ashamed off) and it was pretty understandable…at least he thought so. And it wasn't like he ever forced them in to it, they always, _always_ approached him first. His mind wandered back to his first…favor.

_Her name was Ashley Bellmont. She was, of course in Slytherin and she was extremely pretty. She had long black hair and chocolate eyes with tanned skin, she was extremely curvaceous. In short she was stunning and she knew it. At the time Severus had been 27, a time in his life when he still had hope that one day he would meet "the one." A hope that was long gone by now. She had come to his office, eyes wet with tears and a pout on her perfectly shaped lips. "Sir." She said as she walked up to his desk, bosom heaving with emotion. She spun him some story about how hard she worked, how difficult her home life was and about how she really didn't want to fail his class._

_She had stayed standing up though out her monolog and slowly bent father and father forward , until her breasts were right on level with Snape's eyes. He knew what she was offering, but he wasn't so sure how to…accept the offer. He kept his eyes on her cleavage, he had never actually seen girl's breasts in real life, he had a first kiss, but that was it… _

_She could see how much he wanted it, she leaned forward just a bit and rubbed his wrist. "And your so young professor, but you seem to know everything…" she purred._

_Her hand traveled up his arm and on to his chest. She grabbed his tie and pulled him forward, capturing his lips in hers before he knew what was happening. But he defiantly wasn't going to pull back. She climbed on top of his desk, keeping their lips together. She knew perfectly well that teacher's desks could support her weight; she had done this before, just not with Severus. From there she got on to his lap. He already had a hard on, she was pretty surprised about just how big his cock obviously was, she had expected him to be a lot smaller. Severus was, however, just a bad a kisser as she imagined him to be. She pushed her whole body in to his and he groaned in to her mouth. She started to undo his top and that seemed to remind him he wasn't doing anything with his hands. He put his hand to her tits and sort of…awkwardly rubbed them. It was then she came to the (quite correct) conclusion; he was a virgin. She smirked in to their kiss and rubbed his, now bare, chest. When her hand reached up and pinched his nipple he moaned in to her mouth, certain he was going to come right then and there. She seemed to notice too, because she pulled back, letting Severus cool off slightly as he watched her slowly un-button her top, reveling a black lace bra. He gulped, his mouth watering at the sight of her breasts. _

_She leant back in to him and recaptured his lips and he stood up, easily carrying her though to his private quarters and on, in to his bed room. She smiled luxuriously as she felt stain sheets beneath her. Severus crawled on top of her, still slightly awkwardly. She reached down and slowly un-did his fly, making him shiver in pleasure. She cupped his balls and gave them a good squeeze, making him moan and pre-come to drip out of him. He practically ripped her skirt off of her, reveling matching black lace panties. He stroked her shyly and she guided his figure in to her, showing him how to pump in and out. When she thought he couldn't wait any longer she gently turned him on to his back, and moved to straddle him. Looking at his face at that moment, his ecstasy evident on his face, she felt a weird sort of affection towards him. He looked so, open, so vulnerable. She felt a twinge of guilt as using him so, __but then she really did need to pass his class. She took him in to her, trying to make it as good for him as she possibly could. It actually wasn't that bad, Snape was just lying there, letting the pleasure take over, but it meant she was in control and she liked it like that. _Oh god_, she thought, _hold out just a bit longer_. She was close to orgasm, something none of her other professors had given her and she was amazed that she could get this kind of pleasure from him. She had had very low expectations. She let out a primal scream when she finally reached her peek, which was more than enough to send Severus over the edge. She climbed off of him, slowly crawling up so that they were face to face. Severus moaned again, trying to bring her in for a cuddle. But she wasn't going to do that. She knew that having sex with someone didn't create a bond or a connection, it was the cuddling after woods that did that. She didn't want to hurt Severus , but she defiantly didn't want to become involved with him, so she kept her distance. Severus lay there, fully relaxed for the first time in…well for the first time ever. He let himself just lie for a few moments, but he could tell his time with the girl was coming to a close. _

"_Do you know a contraceptive charm?" He asked as he sat up. "Oh, um I was just going to use a potion when I got back .. "Do you want me to do a charm for you? It would be creepier." "Sure," she said, slightly surprised he knew the spell. It was quite a tricky charm and he had mastered it in the hopes that he would be able to use it- a lot...you couldn't blame him for being hopeful even if it was energy mostly wasted. He did the charm for her as she picked her clothes up. "It goes without saying that you won't mention this." He said, his voice back to the cool and smooth one it normally was. "Of course." She agreed, and she flashed him a quick smile before leaving. _

That was years ago now, and Severus had had his dalliances since then, but never more than once with the same student, and never anyone under 16. He was sitting in his class room, watching over his students as they took a written test. He lent back in his chair, sighing deeply. So much had changed over the course of his life, The Dark Lord had risen, he had become a teacher, sworn he would never fuck his students, started to fuck his students, The Dark Lord had fallen, and though out it all he had stayed right here, right where he was sitting now. He rubbed the bridge of his nose as his eyes wandered over the source of his frustration for the last 8 years. Harry potter sat in the back row, staring idly in to space. He had come back to school to re-do his 8th year with most of his friends and he had used it as an excuse to do nothing but party. It was obvious he had a terrible hangover; his eyes were blood shot, his hair (which was now died red) was messier than ever and his nose ring looked especially grungy. Severus had an explosive wet dream about him last night, following a wet dream about the same thing the night before, he had dreamt about harry in some way almost every night since Harry's 6th year. He would never admit it, not even to himself, but he had come to be really attached to him over the years. _God I need to get laid_, Snape thought, _if im lusting over some 17 year old punk with a nose ring, I must be desperate…_

"Times up." He declared. "I hope at least some of you dunderheads' scraped by, but I fear I will be dissopontied." He glided though the rows of desks, picking up the tests. He got to Harry last and- "Mr. Potter, you cannot be serious." He said. "I'm afraid I am Sir." And with that Harry picked up his bag and marched out of the class room.

"Harry," Hermione said softly, as Ron, Hermione and Harry walked out of the classroom" when snape said 'you cannot be serious' what did he mean?" "Errr….i dunno" Harried lied. He knew perfectly well why his professor was flabbergasted; the test he had handed in was blank. Totally blank, he had not written a single word.

"How did you guys do?" He asked, more to deflect attention than anything else. Hermione immediately launched in to a monolog about how she did and what she might have got wrong but Harry really wasn't listing. He smirked and wolf whistled at some hot bloke that walked by. The guy blushed but looked extremely faltered. This happened multiple times on their way to the great hall, Harry sometimes complimenting girls on their tops (even though they all worse uniforms), each time the person in question looked more and more flattered. Hermione zoned this all out, and Ron felt slightly uncomfortable, but hey, the guy had saved the whole fucking world, he deserved a break.

"What classes do we have left today?" Ron, who was still getting used to their schedule, asked. "Transfiguration, History of Magic, and defense against the dark arts ." Hermione rattled off automatically. "Fuck that." Harry said. "Harry!" Hermione gasped. "like I need defense lesions." He scoffed. "and history of magic has never been, nor ever will be, useful." Ron grinned appreciatively. "I'm skipping." Harry declared. He gathered a slice of pizza and walked out of the great hall. He ate it on the way to his common room, dropping off his bag and looking at his Murder's map. Chelsea was on the grounds, Gabby was in a class room and Madeleine was in the great hall. He headed off toward the grounds.

"Hey." He said as he walked up behind her. She was cute, blond, short and blue eyed. "Oh hey Harry." She said as she looked behind her. He plopped down next to her under the tree and they both smiled, knowing exactly what he wanted. "Good day?" he asked "not that bad." She said, leaning in to him. He caressed her cheek softly and she smiled, leaning her head back on to his shoulder. He kissed her forehead and snaked his arm around her waist. And then they were rolling around on the grass, lips locked and eyes closed. "Harry." She admonished when he tried to snake his hand up her robes. "It's broad daylight!" "No one's out here." He said softly. "and I've missed you, I want you." And she let him.

Harry wasn't an Arse-hole. And he wasn't a player, at least he didn't want to be. It's just that he wanted a connection, he craved attention, and warmth form other people. And when he didn't get it, he felt invisible, like he was being forgotten about now that he wasn't needed to fight a war…and he couldn't bare that. He didn't want to be alone, not ever, and if he was alone, even for an hour, it felt like the end of his world. He didn't even crave sex that much, although he almost always did it more than once a day. He wanted to be held, and to be special to someone. He knew that Hermione and Ron cared, but they had each other, and they had their own wounds to heal; he didn't want to be a burden to them.

"Will you give me a blow job?" Harry asked her. "It's almost time for class!" "But I'll be so frustrated though class if you dont." Harry whined. "Mmm maybe I want you to think about me." She purred."I'd think about you anyway." He promised. "All right" she giggled. After woods, she went to class and left Harry alone.

He used to crave being alone, would have loved having the great lake to himself. But now, it was almost like very one else was dead. And Harry stood up, his pulse racing. He knew the idea was insane, but still…every one could be dead. He needed to find someone, anyone, just to prove there was someone else there. He came to his Charms class in the end, just because he couldn't bear to walk the corridors alone.

Later that night, Harry was in bed with some girl, not doing his home work, even though he had barely done it once since he had been back to Hogwarts. Severus meanwhile had been called to a meeting with the headmistress.

Minerva McGonagall sat at the head of the table, with Severus to her right, Flitwick to her left Professor sprout across from her, and Tonks, who was now the Defense against the Dark Arts teacher sitting next to snape . "Now." The headmistress said. "We are the primary teachers of Harry Potter, now I know that some here think we should treat him exactly the same way as everyone else." She held a hand up. "But he is not the same as everyone else, he has done a great deal and has suffered much. And therefore I believe he deserves our attention even more than the other children." She took a long breath.

"I hope to hear that Mr. Potter is doing a lot better in your classes than he is in mine."

"Well im sorry to disappoint you Minerva" Flitwick said, "but I do not believe that Harry Potter has done a single homework assignment this year."

"Well he turned in one paper for me, but it was very poor."Sprout said. "He comes in look hung-over and exhausted every night."

"He seems to miss more classes than he actually attends" Tonks said sadly.

"Any better news from you Severus?" She asked softly.

"Lets put it this way, here is a test that Mr. Potter handed in today." He handed her the parchment.

"It's blank." She said. "correct." Snape said snidely. "We have to do something about this." She said sadly. "Mr. Potter has done a lot for this world and now we must do our best for him." The five teachers stayed late in to the night planning the best corse of action for the oblivious Harry Potter.


	2. Chapter 2

Hey guys, firstly im sorry ist been so long sicne I updated but I have some pr3etty good reasons, from now pon this story will be updated every weekend, I promise! Thank you for all of the revwies, and for anyone wanting a sequle to my other story, "please Harry" There will be one, but after this story is finished. :D Please review, it makes me so happy!

The next morning Harry was seated at the Grfyendoor table, only half awake. Night time was almost as bad for Harry as when he was alone. He knew it was an insane fear, but…what if he went to sleep and everyone else was murdered when there was no one there to protect them? It wasn't likely to happen, but it _could_. And if that happened Harry wouldn't be able to live with himself.

So when an owl landed in front of him he didn't notice until it nipped him softly. "ouch" He said, ill-naturedly. He roughly pulled the letter off and frowned when he didn't recognize the elegent, spidery letters .

"Dear Mr. Potter" It read;

"Please meet me in my classroom to discuss your recent grades. 7PM tonight.

Severus Snape."

"Whose it from?" Hermione asked, her usual up beat self. "Snape."

"Whas 'e wan?" Ron asked though a mouthful of pancake.

"oh…um to talk to me about my grades." Harry said, trying not to look at either of them. "Oh Harry." Hermione said. "You told me you've been doing all of your work…"

"What ever, it's not going to make a difference anyway." Harry snapped. "Not going to make a difference?" Hermione said in shock. "But Harry-"

"I'll see you guys later."He said standing up and walking out.

At seven o'clock that night, Harry was in the Quiddich lockers, on his knees giving one of his teammates a blowjob. But he wasn't about to get off that easily, the next time he actually attended potions class Severus Snape held him back.

"You didn't come to our meeting. " Severus said as he walked towards Harry, who had stayed in his seat with his feat on his desk.

"I was busy" "And you didn't think to reschedule?" Severus said, his voice quiet and deadly. "No." Harry said simply. "Potter." Snape said simply. "You are failing every class you are taking, this is a serious problem-" "why?" Harry demanded. "If you want to be an aruor-" "which I don't." Harry interjected.

"Ive done enough for this world, I don't need the money and I don't want the stress." "So your plan is to just sit around all day after you leave and live off the money your parents made for you?" Severus asked, scorn evident in his voice, "Yup" Harry confirmed. "Now, if that's all…" He got up and started to walk towards the door. "NO THAT IS NOT ALL POTTER." Severus bellowed, striding up behind him and forcefully turning him around to look at him.

"That is not the life you want, don't kid yourself in to thinking it is." "how the hell do you know?" Harry asked, taking a step towards him.

"I have been your teacher for 7 years Potter, you would be board of that life style with in a mouth" Severus licked his lips and looked him up and down lingering just for a second too long at Harry's crotch.

"You need to leave your options open Potter, you got off to a bad start this year, but all of your teachers are willing to do extra work with you, including me." Harry leaned closer to him and laughed. "what I get extra tutoring now? Am I going to be the teacher's pet, mysteriously disappearing with him in to broom closets ?" Harry had meant it as a joke, but Severus blushed slightly and looked away from him. _He likes me…_thought with a thrill. _He wants me…_Harry plastered a pout on to his face and leaned slightly closer still.

"I'm sorry."He said softly, knowing that his face was plastered in to a mask of pure innocence.

"You need these lessons Potter."Severus said gruffly. Harry nodded mutely, feeling the other man's gaze on him and smirking on the inside. Who thought that the oily potions professor would be attracted to Harry? But he defiantly was, Harry could see it in his eyes.

"I'm sorry professor, I just…" Harry didn't know how to finished his sentence and a awkward silence hung in the air.

"I know you've had a lot to deal with." Snape said in a much kinder voice than he had used all evening, it still couldn't be called totally kind, but kinder... Harry was looking at the ground, and Severus was looking at him. He wanted desperately to reach out and stroke Harry's check, or brush the hair out of his eyes. But he knew he couldn't do that to him, Harry really did need help, it was obvious something was wrong with him, and not just his grades.

"Come to my class every Monday night at seven." Severus said, crossing his arms and trying to scowl. "All right sir…" Harry said meekly, hoping that Severus would like the cute and innocent act. He wasn't sure why he was flirting with his potions professor, but he was, and that would almost certainty be the only reason he came to their little tutor seasons.

"Next Monday then Potter, I would go or you'll be late for your next class." Harry nodded and spun around, swinging his hips more than usual. Snape noticed and licked his lips. A faint small of almonds and oranges hung in the air where Harry had been, despite himself, Severus wished that smell wouldn't fade.

Harry had similar meetings with all his professors, although none of them seemed interested him in, so he wasn't interested in them. He would meet with McGonagall at seven on Tuesdays, Flitwick at the same time on Wednesdays and sprout on Thursdays. He had managed to convince Tonks that he didn't need extra lessons, that he would start to do the homework and everything would be better. She said that if she didn't see marked improvement in the next week she would make him take the lessons. So he had motivation to do what he had too in that class at any rate

Transfiguration would, without a doubt be the hardest subject for Harry, then charms, and he had always been all right at Herbology and he was pretty sure he could just sweeten Snape up enough to make it bearable. That night, Harry lay awake as he had every night, his body tense, jumping at every noise. It wasn't that he didn't try to go to sleep, he did, but fear coursed though him, and even if it was totally irrational, it was still real to him.

Severus mean while was nursing a firewishky and staring into the flames in his fireplace. He of coarse was thinking about Harry. The Harry that did something stupid in almost every class, the Harry that was hurt and who's friends didn't seem to notice or care. Something was obviously wrong with him, why weren't his friends there? Why wasn't someone there? It was ripping Severus apart, thinking about how alone Harry was, how much he was hurting. What _if he did something stupid?_He wondered. _Would anyone be there to help him?_He stood up, disgusted with himself. He was developing a stupid little crush on some stupid little boy and he was letting it take over his life. He fell in to quick sleep that night, but it was haunted by dreams of Harry_. They were walking though Hogsmead, hand in hand, and laughing. Or they were sitting in the Three Broom Sticks and harry was blowing him kisses…or Harry giggled as snape said something, who immediately felt insanely proud that he had even made Harry smile… _


	3. Chapter 3

Hey guys, again sorry about the delay, but I promise promise promise to update twice a week faithfully for now on…hope you enjoy!

"Harry?" Hermione asked timidly. They were once again all seated in the great hall for breakfast, with Harry only barely awake. "do you think you should get a sleeping potion form Madame pomfry?" The concern was evident in her voice.

"I've tried, they never seem to work. Thanks though Hermione, I haven't slept properly in ages." "Oh Harry, is there anything you want to talk about?" "No," Harry said with a small smile. He did feel the need from attention, but not from Ron or Hermione, they had already gone though enough because of him. That night Harry dragged himself to his extra lesson with McGonagall, not telling either Ron or Hermione. It was horrible. It was hard work and Harry felt like he hadn't achieved anything, at the end of their season McGonagall sniffed and said; "I had hoped better from you Potter." The lesson with flitwick went marginally better, but he could still see disappointment etched on his professors face.

He still wasn't doing his homework. He knew this was a bad idea,but he didn't want to think about it. . When Monday night rolled around, he was almost looking forward to his meeting with Snape. He had become very aware of his professor since their last meeting, and was surprised to see that Severus watched him like a hawk. This inspired Harry to at least work…a bit more. For some reason he didn't want the man thinking badly of him, but he was also very afraid of trying and failing. So he kind of half tried when Severus was looking.

He walked down to the dungeons, looking rather more presentable then he normally did. He had showered, shaved and taken his nose ring out, he wasn't really sure why… "Good evening Mr. Potter." Severus said, obviously trying his best to be civil. Harry flashed him a smile worthy of Gilderory lock heart and Severus felt his heart leap. "Good evening sir." Harry put his bag down on the floor by his desk and waited for instructions.

"All right Mr. Potter, basically we re going to go over everything you should have learnt in your three weeks here, and we are hoping that we can get you caught up in about two months."Harry, who had heard this before from his other teachers, simply nodded.

"We will be starting out today by making a potion called firebreath. You may remember it was the first potion we made this year. To save time I will lecture while you make the potion. You will find a list of what you need in your book on page 135."

When Harry had every thing together, Severus started to lecture him about the uses of the potion . His softly silken voice washed over Harry, and he was amazed to find himself actually interested in what was coming out of his moth and not just the lips that were saying those things. However, his potion wasn't fairing well. Severus had to stop him at almost every ingredient, either because he was using the wrong one, or because he hadn't prepped it properly. He felt definite resentment towards his teacher, even though it wasn't the other man's fault. He smirked as it started to let off a light red steam, exactly as it was meant to. Seeing it, he had an idea. He leaned in to the steam, much more than was necessary. He immediately felt his white top become slick with the steam and sick to his chest. His face and hair also became damp, and he smiled as he heard a small falter in Severus' voice. He muttered something about it being very warm in here and he slowly undid his tie, pulling it off as sensually as he could mange. His was followed by the next two buttons on his shirt, he caught Severus staring from out of the corner of his eye, and Harry very calmly started to work on his potion again.

_His nipples are light pink_. Severus thought suddenly, he could easily see them. Harry's top had become transparent and his nipples were erect. From behind his desk Severus had an undeniable hard on. When the lesson finally came to a close, Harry was slightly disappointed and Severus was slightly relived….he really wanted to jack off…

"Mr. Potter." Snape said when Harry had successfully finished his potion "Sir?" Harry said, "You have done…marginally better than expected to night." Snape winced as though saying it caused him pain. "But you still need to do your work, you have not passed in one homework paper for me, and as I understand it you haven't been any better in your other classes…" Harry didn't say anything for a moment, unsure of what to say. Finally he settled on "sir…" "Potter…" Snape said, waiting for some useless excuse.

"I don't want to seem rude…" Harry said, drumming his figures on the desk. "But…" he started again. "you see the thing is…" Harry shuffled his feet, looking embarrassed. "Well, you owe me a life dept."

Severus straightened in his seat. "Yes, Mr. Potter, I do. Although what that has to do with your horrible grades, I do not know. " He pierced Harry was a stare that made Harry feel slightly guilty, if he had held it just a little bit longer Harry may have caved, but he didnt. "What is it you wish from me?" he said after a pause.

"I want you to answer some questions." Severus breathed a sigh of relief, compared to what he was expecting, that wasn't too bad. "every night after our tutoring seasons, you have to honestly answer me three questions." Actually, Severus changed his mind, that did sound pretty bad.

"I could give you money." Severus said stiffly. "No thanks." Harry said, just as cheerful as Severus was uncomfortable. "Or I could make you potions, there are some extremely rare ones-" "Very kind offer, but I've made up my mind" Harry gave him a distinctly mischievous grin. Severus nodded in defeat, a life dept was not something you could ignore. "very well Mr. Potter." Severus said though pursed lips. "Ask your questions."

"Whats the worst rule you've ever broken?" Harry asked, perching on the side of his desk. "And I don't mean with the death eaters or anything, I mean here, at Hogwarts." Severus' blood ran cold. "Are you sure you don't want money?" he said. He had hoped to sound board and rude, but he didn't, he sounded interesting and guilty. "Yup." Harry declared.

"The worst rule…I've ever broken…"Severus tilted his head back and closed his eyes…he really didn't want to tell Harry this. "and I don't do it a lot…just sometimes…" he took a deep breath and started again. "sometimes…I have sex with my students and then I bump their grades up."

Harry looked at him in utter amazement, and then let a sharp back of laughter out. It wasn't much of a laugh, but it was more than he had laughed since before the war, and that felt good. Severus shot him a death glare, and he smirked even more.

"Any one I know?" Harry asked. "Yes." Severus snapped, his lips becoming very thin. "Who?" There was long pause and then; "Draco Malfoy-" "NO!" Harry yelled, his grin growing. "really?" "Yess…" Snape said, "He is so hot!" Harry said, happy to watch his teachers face flush. "What did you do?"

"Mr. Potter, you have had well over your three questions, kindly leave my office NOW." Harry left the room smiling to himself as Snape muttered "fucking insolent brat." Harry was a long way down the corridor before Severus realized how neatly he had sidestepped the question of his work, or lack thereof.

Harry's smiled slipped as he walked back to gryffendoor tower. There was no one in the corridors; at first Harry forced himself to walk slowly, but after only a few seconds he felt his confidence drain. He quickened his pace, and before he knew what he was doing he had broken in to a sprint, his book bag rattling and his glasses bouncing on his nose.

"are you all right Harry?" Ron asked as Harry burst in to the common room. Ron looked at him with alarm. Harry did look a state, his top was undone, his tie was off, he was extremely red in the face and he was sweating like mad. "Yeah, corse." Harry said as he collapsed next to his friend.

"Where have you been lately mate?" Harry shrugged, "no where really…just around." Ron looked like he was about to push the matter so Harry quickly butted in; "how about a game of wizards chess?" Harry suggested. Ron gladly accepted, Harry had been really distant lately, and Ron was worried about him, not as worried as Hermione was, she was frantic. Ron understood that it was the first time that Harry was _ever _aloud to relax, but sometimes Ron wondered if Harry took it too far. For now though, he was just glad to see his mate.

"Have you done your Transfiguration homework yet Harry?" Hermione asked half way through their game. "Yup." Harry said automatically, feeling slightly guilt about his lie. "really?" she asked. Harry nodded and she beamed with pride. "Oh Harry, good for you! Ron…" she started "No." he said in answer to her unasked question.

Severus meanwhile was spending yet another night alone with his fire whisky, fretting over Harry Potter. The student had really pissed him off tonight, it infuriated Snape that Harry had pulled a fast one over him, and it made him feel sick that he couldn't help Harry. _He needs to get those grades up, I can't let him ruin the rest of his life. _Severus felt hollow as he thought about that possibility, the possibility that harry was spend his life feeling alone, and useless, much like Severus did himself. _But then, I got the best grades possible and I'm still miserable. _Severus thought as he kicked his shoes off. _But Harry has so much potential, and he is so beautiful, he deserves a wonderful life_. Severus felt a tug at the bottom of his stomached and his frown deepened. All throughout the war Severus couldn't understand how that boy kept going, kept fighting, he had been so worried during the last battle. The ironic thing was that Harry seemed happier in the years during the war than he did before or after it. Severus had sworn long ago he would protect the boy…but he had always planned on doing it from afar. He knew that had to change now. He also knew that he would, under no circumstances be touching Harry in anyway. Harry didn't need to be molested by his greasy teacher, especially on top of everything else that's happened to the poor boy. And Severus knew there was no way Harry would ever want him, he could dream though…and he often did.


	4. Chapter 4

Hello readers! Thanks to all that have subscribed, if you want to review it would make me very happy! Hope you enjoy! Oh and I don't own any of this stuff….

Harry was just getting up to go to bed when he was approached by Seamus Finnegan. "Hey Harry." He said. "There's a party tonight , in the room of requirements, I know your always up for it." Seamus winked at him. "it's at midnight, you coming?" "Corse" Harry said, he never refused a party.

Not because he actually wanted to get drunk out of his mind, listen to bad music and have a terrible hang over in the morning. But he couldn't bear the thought of every one being there, and him being here… alone. Being alone was like not being there at all to Harry, and when he was surrounded by people he felt safe, happy…it was hard to explain. But at midnight that night Harry found himself in the room of requirements. The room was filled with smoke, and the lights were dim. In the centre of the room was the dance floor (which was empty at the moment) and around the room were couches, which Harry knew would soon be filled with 'loving' couples.

Only the most hardcore partiers had come out on a Monday night and Harry was on good terms with them all- even the slytherins. "Hey harry!" someone called over the blasting music. "over 'ear!" Dean Thomas yelled for him. Harry made his way over there and quickly spied the alcohol. "Ready?" Dean asked as he passed out overly large cups of fire whisky. "On three, one, two…THREE." And they all started to guzzle the drink. Quite a few of them had to stop as soon as the alcohol hit their throats, but not Harry. He and about three other people seemed to finish at exactly the same time…and they all agreed they needed a re-do to decide who was the winner. When the same thing happened again they decided they needed another re-do…and another…and another…finally when Harry was extremely drunk he conceded the win to someone else…who, he had no idea.

He stumbled on the dance floor, which was now filled with grinding and testosterone. "Hey Harry." Some guy yelled. Harry recognized the guy…because he was pretty sure he had cum on the guy's face before. But he didn't know his name. The blond reached out and grabbed Harry by the belt, pulling him closer for a kiss.

Warmth washed over Harry, he loved feeling someone else's skin on his, it made him feel like he was on fire…in a good could feel their pulse, their warmth. And he knew they were okay, which in turn reassured him that everything was okay. Harry pulled the guy closer pushing his tongue in to his mouth. Someone close by wolf whistled at them and started to grope Harry along with the blond. Harry undid the blond's flies and started to pump him, while grinding in to- "Draco!" he yelled merrily.

"Hey beautifull." He said, kissing the back of Harry's neck. "You fucked Snape?" Harry called over his shoulder.

"What?" Draco yelled. "you, snape, fucking." He paraphrased. "Oooooo yeah!" Draco said with a giggle. "He isn't that bad in the sack. Not as good as you though ", and he spanked harry on the arse. "Come with me." Harry shouted, and he led them both to a private room…

The next morning Harry was totally knackered. He woke up, still in the room of requirements, extremely grateful that Draco had extra hangover potions with him. "You always forget it." Draco had chuckled. The blond-whose name turned out to be Terry- had left to go to breakfast, neither of the other two could be bothered. "Almost time for class, you coming?" Draco said. The two of them got on quite well, even if they weren't drunk. They never talked about the war, but there were somethings that you couldn't go though and not be friends…and waking up naked together, trying to figure out what clothes belong to whom, was one of them. "Nah…can't be arsed", Harry, who was still naked said. He stretched out across the big bed, which was covered in red silk and shaped like a heart. it was possibly the chessiest thing draco had ever seen, but hey, it had severed its purpose.

"Harry." Draco said, laying back down, next to him. "Yeah?" Harry said, putting a pillow over his head, which Draco promptly flicked off. "Harry," Draco repeated. He sighed and rolled over on to his stomach getting a little closer to Harry.

"im not going to tell you what to do, because I know you wont take my advise…but why have you just given up in class?" "What?" Harry yelled "I haven't given up!" he sat up indigently

"well you hardly ever turn up. And when you do you don't pay attention." Draco said calmly. "that's not true." Harry protested, "I wouldn't do that…" Draco gave him a very strange look. "fine, whatever. I'm going to class, you can skip if you want too…" Draco, who was already dressed, got up and headed towards the door.

"wait!" Harry yelled after him, panicking that he would be left alone.

"I just thought we could walk together…we do have the same class." Harry mumbled. Draco looked a bit surprised, but nodded. He got dressed in record time, with the other man watching appreciatively.

"You know…" Draco started, looking slightly embarrassed. "I understand that there are some things…that you might find it hard to talk to Ron and Hermione about..I mean..I don't know..i have a hard time talking to Pansy and Blaise sometimes…but I mean, er you know, if you ever wanted to talk or something..." By now Draco's pale face was tinged with pink. "yeah, cool." Harry said, he was defiantly not going to turn down a friendship form anyone at this point. If they were alive, they were good enough for him.

They walked to their first class together and they got distinctly strange looks from passers by, but most people just shrugged. Harry Potter was defiantly not the innocent they had all thought he had been, and most of them didn't care, they were too grateful for what he did for all of them. Harry almost enjoyed transfiguration that morning, sitting next to Draco kept him both entertained and awake. But he was just too knackered to go to potions…

Severus snape was in a horrible mood that afternoon, and when Mr. Potter did not show up for his class his mood only worsened. He yelled at every one, made three people cry and handed out more detentions than he cared to count.

Severus kicked his class out ungracefully and stormed down the corridor in a foul mood. "Ahhh the elusive Mr. Potter." Severus said as he turned a corner and walked right in to the boy. "How nice of you to turn up to class today." He said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "Im so glad to see that you're working so hard, that the efforts of ALL of your teachers has not been wasted."

"Yeah, yeah." Harry mumbled, trying to side step his teacher. "Potter!" Severus boomed, not letting his student pass. "what on earth do you think you are doing?" he hissed, towering over Harry. "classes are not optional, you're going to ruin your life! have you even thought about the future? Even if you decide not to get a job, you at least need to give your self the option! Your killing your brain with the alcohol you soak yourself in every night. You'll end up having an accident and turning in to a vegetable! nothing is worth that. God knows why, but you're throwing away everything you've worked for over the last six years, You don't want to do that Potter!" Severus' eyes were boring in to Harry's and Harry felt the energy coming off of his professor in tidal waves.

"how do you know what I want?" Harry demanded. "All I want is to never be alone again, I want to be able to sleep without wondering if my friends will be alive or not in the morning, I want someone to love me and guess what? I will get none of that though fucking learning how to fucking make some stupid potion." He was breathing heavily now, and Severus was staring at him, amazed at what Harry had just told him. They locked eyes and a connection imedeatly started between the two of them, Harry felt like Severus was seeing right in to his soul, and what's more it looked like the other man actually cared about what Harry was feeling. But couldn't bare it, it just felt like if he didn't break the connection, it would break him. He let out a rugged scream and broke away from the professor, running blindly up the corridor.

"WHY?" He demanded, talking more to himself than the person he was about to walk in too.

"Why what?" Draco Malfoy asked. But Harry didn't even notice he was there. He threw himself in to the nearest empty class room and Draco slipped in quickly after him. "Why?" he demanded again. "am I so STUPID?" Harry's voice cracked and he lashed out, kicking a desk. He lashed out wildly, barely missing Malfoy, who seemed very taken aback by Harry's behavior. "what's wrong with me?" Harry either didn't know Draco was there or he didn't care.

"I'm so stupid!" he bellowed again. "and im so fucking picky. Jesus! I need a connection, but some connections are too much for me, and I need people to care but not in that way, and I'm sick of it all, why cant it just end!" Harry dissolved to the ground tears running down his face, but still he ranted about what a failure he was. Somewhere along the line Draco had sat down beside him and pulled him in to a hug, which Harry seemed to appreciate because he latched tightly on to Draco and showed no signs of letting go. Over time his rant slowed and finally stopped, but tears ran down his face which was on Draco's chest.

Thankfully the bell for class seemed to wake Harry from his daze and he jumped. "Hey." Draco said. "you feeling all right?" "What?" Harry looked around, as if he didn't know what had happened during their lunch break.

"oh my god!" He said, clapping his hand over his mouth, obviously just processing what he had done. "Draco, I'm sorry-" "Hey, its fine." Draco quickly reassured him. "I said we should talk…and you took me up on my offer." He flashed Harry a warm smile. "really, I don't mind." Harry took a shaky breath.

"I think im going to go back to my room and-" "no." Draco declared. "what?" Harry asked, "Your going to class with me. And no, you don't have a choice." Draco forcefully picked Harry up and walked him to class. Harry trying in vain to dissuade his new friend.

Severus meanwhile was in shock. Harry had just shown a side of himself to Severus that Severus had never...even… He saw something so real, so wonderful and vulnerable and just perfect in Harry. Severus felt electrified, like he was seeing every thing fresh and new, and he was desperate to see Harry again. Even if Snape could never hold Harry, could never call Harry his, could never taste his soft lips….then he would defiantly make sure the idiotic part didn't ruin his life.

He really didn't want Harry to hate him for what he was about to do, but right now the only thing he could think of that might help Harry was tough love…"Mr. Weasly, Ms. Granger." He said as his class was packing up the next day. "I need you to stay late after class," They looked worriedly at each other. When everyone else had left the class the two of them walked up to his desk. "Sir?" Hermione asked timidly. "Neither of you are in trouble, don't worry, this isn't about you, not every thing is." He reminded them sternly. They looked slightly taken aback, but didn't interrupt, which he was very greatfull for. "It is about Mr. Potter-" "Harry?" Ask Hermione, her eyes wide. "He is the only Potter I know of." Severus said coolly. "Are you aware, that he is failing every single class he is taking?" Hermione gasped and Ron swore. "Well im glad you too seem to take it seriously, all of his teachers are giving him extra help and are very willing to work with him, he, however doesn't seem to care. He has passed in ONE homework assignment this year, he skips class more than he turns up and even when he is there he doesn't pay attention. He is ruining his life, and I thought that you two could motivate him better than I. I wish you luck." Severus said as he marched out of his class room.

Hermione and Ron went straight to Gryffindor tower, Ron lost in shock and Hermione crying softly. They waited hours for Harry to come back and when he did Hermione launched himself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck and crying even more.

"What's happened?" Harry demanded, convinced his worst fears had happened. "You stupid…ARG!" Hermione said braking away from him and stamping her foot. "What happened?" He repeated, looking at Ron. "Mate." He said slowly. "why have you been lying to us?" Harry felt like the bottom had dropped out of his stomaque. "What..?" he asked softly. "Snape told us how poorly you've been doing Harry!" Hermione wailed, wiping furiously at her eyes.

"something's wrong with you! I know it! We've been neglecting you Harry!" Hermione wailed and threw herself in to his arms again. Harry stood there, frozen in shock…surly Snape didn't have the right to do that? "what have you been doing Harry?" Ron asked him softly.

"Sit!" Hermione said in an uncharacteristically high voice. Harry sat, paralyzed with fear that they were going to tell him that he had betrayed them too badly, that they were turning their backs on him. His heart was going a mile a minute and he felt a hot bubble of fear rise up inside him. He had failed, yet again, he had deliberately lied to them, and now he had hurt them_. I don't deserve them, _Harry thought, the back of his eyes stinging.

"Stay right there Harry." Hermione ordered him, and she raced up to the girl's rooms.

"But why Harry?" Ron asked in a small voice. "if you've worked so hard these last 6 years, why give it all up at the last moment?" "I…" Harry said, looking at the floor. He knew there was a right answer to this question, thought that maybe if he said the right thing he wouldn't lose his best two friends. But for the life of him, he didn't know what the right thing was.

He bit the inside of his check and finally said. "I just can't do it." "What?" Ron asked "but you've always enjoyed class! Maybe not as much as Hermione but more than me!" It was true, he used to love learning. But now…"I don't understand Harry!" Ron said, obviously frustrated. "God, you could at least try to explain to me."

Ron glared at him and Harry felt his heart stop for a moment before he launched in to an explanation; " the first day I walked in to a class this year I just could concentrate because I kept expecting death eaters to walk in. Its driving me mad, I know, I _know _that there are no death eaters, and that I should just relax, but I can't. I cant do anything, because nothing seems real any more."

Harry put his head into his hands and continued "every where I go I'm on edge, my mind is telling me that everything is ok, but I just can't believe it. I'm even more paranoid than I was during the war. And when the teachers talk to me its like-" But at that moment Hermione hurtled down the stairs and dumped her bag in to Harry's lap.

"Harry, I am not letting you leave this room until you have finished every last peace of homework." And she sat him down and started working. She didn't do it for him, she had stopped doing that years ago, but she helped him along. The two of them sat there for hours, Hermione shocked about just how little Harry had learnt that year. They had just finished his first Herbology paper and were half way though he second when Hermione finally allowed Harry a break.

"All right" she said. "Its almost seven so how about-" "its what?" Harry said, jumping up. "All most seven, 6;57 to be exact." "I need to go." Harry said, hastily collecting his papers.

"Why?" Hermione demanded. "Harry, you cant keep shirking when it comes to work!"

"Im not!" he protested, but she gave him a glare and he quickly realized how stupid his comment was. "I have tutoring every day at seven, really, its with Flitwick today. I promise I'll get right back to work when I get back." To Hermione's amazement she saw tears in Harry's eyes. She opened her mouth, but before she could say anything he had started to sprint to his charms classroom.

Seeing as he hadn't had proper sleep the night before, and that he had been working flat out for hours, he was exhausted by the time he got to his tutor. He managed to scrape by, and he put actual effort in, but he still wasn't making much progress. At 8:30 they finally stopped, and Harry couldn't be more grateful. He thanked his professor (the first time he could remember doing such a thing) and walked out. As soon as he did so, he felt his exhaustion evaporate and be replaced by fear. It was dark already and the hall ways of Hogwarts had a haunted look. He pulled out the Maurders map-which he always kept with him, along with his invisibility cloak- and activated it. His eyes immediately landed on Professor Snape. He was in his private rooms, only two floors bellow Harry, much closer than Gryffindor.

Harry set out quickly, now that he had his wits about him he was getting angry. Snape really didn't have any right to tell his friends about his grades. Harry walked to the place where the map said Snape was, but saw nothing but a row of class rooms, Harry knocked on the door that was meant to be Severus', and it swung open after only a few seconds. Severus stood there in a tight black t-shirt and black trousers , obviously surprised to see Harry. Harry took in his appearance for a moment, he was completely white and black. His skin was extra-ordinarily pale, his hair was as black as his eyes and the only bit of colour on him were his pink lips which were very pale, he had surprisingly full lips actually... But Harry wasted only a few moments looking at Severus's supple lips. A few moment which severus noticed and enjoyed.

"You had no right to tell them." Harry declared. "Yes I did." Snape countered, he turned around and tried to shut the door but Harry managed to worm his way in to his teacher's room.

The room Harry was now in was large and circular in shape. If he had had time to think about what to expect, he would not have expected this. It was not black and green as would befit the head of slytherin house, it was warm and friendly. There was a kitchen across one half of the wall, it looked clean, but well used. The rest of the room was a living room/library, and it was dominated by a large fireplace, which bathed the room in golden light. There was a long cream and gold couch in front of it and the floor was covered in old books. There were two doors at the back of the room and in the centre was a table that had even more books. "What do you want Harry?" Severus said, feeling very put out that he had been interrupted.

"You called me Harry." Harry said in surprise. "and you're in my privet rooms." Severus shot back quickly. "why?" Harry demanded. "Why are you in my private rooms?" Snape asked sarcastically. "I have no idea, potter, I wish I did." He was leaning against the door with his arms crossed. He wasn't doing anything special, but for some reason Harry found the sight strangely erotic.

He didn't know if it was because all of his blood was running away from his brain and to his dick, or because he was no longer afraid, but yet again, he was exhausted.

"You had no right to tell my friends about…" Harry suddenly saw black spots in front of his eyes, and the world was starting to spin. "…my grades." He finished. Severus smirked, and Harry's cock twitched in response.

"you have no right to waste your education Potter." Severus said, enjoying his position of power, he so really had it over Harry these days. "I simply thought that they would give you better motivation than I could." His voice was low and silky and the blackness at the side of Harry's vision increased. "That doesn't mean you get to-"

But that's all Harry managed to say, he had finally passed out on his feet. He would have fallen to the ground, but Severus caught him quickly and held him in his arms for one delicious moment. He slowly maneuvered Harry onto the couch, where he fed him a potion that would slowly bring him around. It would take no less than 10 minutes, Severus knew. _I could do anything in those minutes, _as his eyes traveled down Harry's body. He took a good, long, hard look at Harry's entire body, from his face, which Severus had never seen this close, to his crouch (was that a hard on Harry sported? Severus dared to hope, but not to find out…) to his feet, which were clad in old white trainers. And there was that smell again, almonds and oranges…He gulped, wanting to touch Harry so badly, but… and then he had an idea; if he couldn't touch Harry, he could touch himself…

He sat down on the floor, as close to Harrys' head as he could get. And he slowly undid his flies, not taking his eyes off of the boy in his care. There was a part of him screaming at himself. Saying that what he was about to do was dirty and disgusting and just wrong. But he didn't care. This was the best he was going to get and the only time he was going to get it. He pulled himself out of his boxers and started to pump himself slowly. It was without a doubt the most erotic thing Severus had ever done, he moaned Harry's name as he stared in longing at his lips, hair, neck... It didn't take him long to come to an explosive orgasm, so he sat there for a few minutes with his face leaned against the couch, feeling Harry's breath playing across his check. He closed his eyes, feeling so much…so much confusion and disgust at him self and more longing for harry than he could ever have imagined.

He stayed there for as long as he dared, but sighed when he had a minute to go, arranging himself properly and picking up a book, pretending that he had been like that the whole time.

Harry let out a groan and Severus looked at him as he opened his eyes slowly. "Don't" Severus said as Harry tried to sit up.

"you need to rest for a few mintues." Harry nodded and turned away from Severus, who tried not to let that hurt him. "Harry." He said softly."Yeah?" he responded, sounding sad.

"are you not sleeping well?"

"I think 'not at all' would be closer to the point," Harry said in to the pillow. "and sleeping potions don't help?" Harry shock his head, feeling week and feeling angry about it.

"you may not know this, but before I decided to train in potions, I studied to become a Therapist. If you ever wanted to talk to a professional…well, I would try to be understating." Severus said, shyly. Harry smiled, that was the second person today that had offered to be there for him. And this one was just as surprising as the first…he was pretty confident that Draco would make a good mate, and pretty hopeful Severus would make a good physiatrist. He was very hopeful that he could be more too, but he knew even if the older man liked him like that he would never act on those feelings…not with out a push anyway…Harry let the silence stretch out, lost in thought.

"you can sit up now." Severus said after a while had passed, it had been a bit longer than really necessary…but…well he wanted to be certain. "Not too quickly." He cautioned, "get up slowly, pivot your legs off of the couch….ok now bring your head to your knees." Harry did as he was told, letting out a low his as his head neared his knees. His eyes fluttered closed and Severus put his hand on his hand on Harry's knee, surprised at his how bold he was.

"are you ok?" "Yeah." Harry said, opening his eyes to find Severus's face closer than before.

"I'd like that." Harry declared. "like what?" Severus asked, his brow creased with concern. "for you to be my therapist." Harry muttered. Severus's face hadn't moved away, if anything he had come a little bit closer. "I think it would be a good idea." Severus said, Harry's nose brushed against his larger one and the wonderfully soft skin brought him back to realty with a crash.

"I'll get you a glass of water." Severus declared, moving sharply away from Harry. Harry sighed, straightening up slowly. But something on the floor caught his eye….it was something wet… Harry put his fingers in it and brought it to his nose. _Seaman_. He could recognize the smell instantly…but it was so fresh, with in the last half an hour, defiantly. He was about to examine it more when he saw the shadow of Severus Snape approach. "Drink this." He said, pushing a glass of cool water in to Harry's hand. Harry finished it in one swig, and stood up, swaying slightly. "are you-" "im fine." Harry snapped. He made his way to the door, but he was already tired by the time he was half way there.

"you need help getting back." It wasn't a question. "yeah." Harry said, whishing he could be stronger, wishing he didn't have to rely on others so much….wishing he wasn't a burden.

"put your arm around my neck." Snape ordered him, and he complied willingly. Severus put his arm around Harry's torso and they both felt a rush of happiness. Harry had excepted him to call a house elf or something, If he knew he would get Snape's arm around him, he would have accepted before.

"dear Merlin potter!" Snape declared "when was the last time you ate?" Severus could easily feel Harry's ribs under his fingers and Harry was way lighter in his arms than what could be considered healthy. He started to make his way slowly to the door

"Dunno. Haven't eaten today…didn't eat dinner yesterday. Breakfast yesterday? Dinner before that maybe?" "Harry." He said stopping in his tracks, "that's really dangerous, you need food and sleep, do you want to eat something while you're here?"

"umm…" Harry said, his eye lids feeling heavy. "yeah?" "yes?" Severus clarified. "no." Harry said, putting his head on Severus's shoulder.

"oh god I don't know…" Harry whined. "I think you need sleep more at the moment, come on." And they walked to Harry's common room in silence.

"I think you should start seeing me as your physiatrist as soon as possible." Snape said when the portrait of the fat lady was in sight. "yeah." Harry said. "can I owl you tomorrow?" he asked.

"after, you've eaten, yes." By then they were at the portrait which swung open as soon as Harry mumbled the password.

"Harry!" Hermione screeched as soon as she saw him. "what's wrong with him?"she asked, rushing towards him. "nothing incurable Ms. Granger. He is exhausted, make sure he sleeps tonight, make sure he eats as soon as possible and make sure he owls me. I'm afraid that's all you can do. Can you help him up to his bed if he needs it?" He asked as her as he slowly moved Harry's weight off of him. Harry stumbled but stayed upright. "I look forward to your owl Mr. Potter." He said as he swept out of their common room.

"Oh Harry!" Hermione cried as she hugged him. "I'm so sorry!" "not your fault." Harry said in to her hair. "I need to get to bed, shall we work on those papers tomorrow?" "oh Harry, whatever you want! Do you need help getting to-" "no." he said firmly.

Harry was exhausted and he fell in to bed fully robed. He fell immediately in to half sleep. Not full, inviting sleep that energized him, he hadn't slept like that in ages. No, he was on the edge of being asleep and being awake, he got so little energy form it, it wasn't really worth doing, but he didn't seem to have lot of choice at the moment .


	5. Chapter 5

He woke up feeling marginally better and walked down to the great hall unsupported by Ron or Hermione, who both looked like they hadn't had much sleep either. "Eat, Harry." Hermione commanded as soon as they sat down. "I will!" he protested.

"have an apple." She told him. "and some toast, and maybe you should have some pancakes as well. And bacon." She pilled it all on to his plate, Harry wouldn't normally take orders from them but…well he thought he should probably do as he was told.

He looked at it, and it looked totally un-appetizing. He knew that if he tried to explain this to the other two, they would have no idea what he was talking about, so instead he picked up a slice of bacon and ate it. It tasted like rubber, and it was hard to swallow. But Hermione looked relived that he had done it, so he forced down about half of his plate.

"You have to eat more than that Harry!" Ron objected. "I can't." Harry said feebly. "what's wrong with it Harry?" Hermione asked, obviously worried about him. "nothing, im just…not hungry. I'll eat more in a minute" he lied. An awkward silence fell over the three of them, something that hadn't happened in years.

"why aren't you sleeping Harry?" Hermione asked. Harry shrugged and said; "I just can't, its like I'm only ever get half asleep. I'm asleep enough to not be able to move, but im still aware of everything that's around me. And when I wake up in the morning, its like I barley slept, even if I got hours."

He looked down at his plate, wishing for the first time in ages that it was time for class.

"im sorry Harry." She whispered and Ron nodded his head. "lets get to class." Harry said, standing up. They arrived about five minutes early, but at least it wasn't as awkward as when they were in the dinning hall.

"Hey." Harry said as Draco walked towards them. He only really said it to cover up the silence of what was meant to be Hogwarts closest friends. Draco raised an eye brow and smirked at the look of shock on Ron's face.

"Hey." He said as he walked slowly towards them "you feeling better?" he asked Harry.

"ummm…marginally." Harry said, leaning against the wall.

"at least you've turned up for class." Draco said as he mimicked Harry.

Harry nodded stiffly. He was doing horribly in potions, he really needed to concentrate in this class; "you should sit with us." He mumbled to Draco as the doors opened and they filling in. Draco managed to get him to focus his attention more the other time they sat together, maybe he would this time too…

"Allright," Draco said, shrugging. "it could be a laugh."

Draco smirked more as Ron and Hermione looked extremely shocked when he sat down at their table with them.

"Hi." He said to the two of them. Harry sat next to Draco, with Ron across from Harry, and Hermione across from Draco. "err…hello." They both mumbled. Ron gave Harry a what-the-fuck-is-he-doing-here look while Draco was getting his books out and Harry just looked slightly guilty, but didn't answer the unspoken question.

"So how do you too, um, know each other?" Hermione asked, trying to be nice.

Draco looked her in the eye and deadpanned; "we go to school together." Harry kicked

him, hard in the shins. "Ow!" Draco pouted" What was that for?" "for being obnoxious." Harry told him.

Harry looked towards Hermione. "we…err started talking at one of the parties I go too."

"yeah, right 'talking.'" Said someone from a neighboring table.

"what does he mean Harry?" Hermione asked, having a feeling she already knew.

"ummm." Harry replied, looking at Draco.

"Don't look at me!" Draco said, smirking even more. "They're your friends, you tell them."

"I think by 'talking'" said the person from the other table "Harry means that they are normally the first to take their clothes off and start having sex. And yes I mean with each other."

"What?" Ron bellowed, looking like he might have a heart attack at any moment. "your gay?" he said to Harry, who had gone chalk white. Harry opened his mouth, but no sound came out.

"I'm pretty sue he's bi." Draco answered for Harry. "why didn't you tell us?" Ron asked.

"I….forgot." Harry said finally. "you forgot?" Ron demanded. "yeah…" Harry said, _good job, you've screwed up once again._ He thought miserably.

"soo…who bottoms?" Hermione said, trying to show that it was ok with her. It worked, a smile immediately appeared on Harry's face and he quickly said; "he does." The only problem was, Draco said exactly the same thing at exactly the same time.

They looked at each other in shock. "You always bottom, Potter." "no I don't!" Harry said with a red face. He never thought he would be discussing this in front of his two best friends.

"how can you not know?" Ron asked, looking between the tow of them. "we are normally pretty drunk…" Draco said, seeing how difficult this was for Harry. "for all we know we took all our clothes off and sat there signing Christmas carols." "I do not bottom ." Harry said with a blush.

"ive never seen you top before." Said the guy from the other table. Harry was mortified and was just about to deny it when Snape walked in, and the room feel in to a hush.

"Today we will be making a potion called the song of the damned, and if you did your homework, which I can guess most of you didn't, you will know what it is."

Harry felt like something was squirming in the pit of his stomach. He hadn't done the reading; he hadn't done any homework for today, apart from the paper for herbology. _Way to go me_, he thought bitterly, _cant I do anything right?_

"instructions," Snape continued; "are on the board. This is a particularly easy potion, so I expect that many of your will have trouble with it."

They all scrabbled to get their supplies, and Harry promised himself he would work _so _hard in this class. But he still lost concentration. Hermione would gently prod him and say "Harry?" in a very soft voice, but after his happened a few times, Draco got bored of it.

Draco would prod with his wand, which sent a shock wave though, Harrys body. It wasn't enough to seriously hurt him, but it was more than enough to make him jump and pay attention. "Tough love." Draco would say when ever Hermione gave him a reproachful look.

Severus meanwhile was in turmoil. He had overheard the tail end of Harry's conversation. He had always thought Harry would top. Severus had 'lain' with guys before, but he had allways been the bottom. The three male students that he had been with all thought it was a bit strange, but they never said anything, the principle was still the same. He had never really talked to any of the students that he had given 'extra credit' too, he just magicked lube on to them while he was giving them a hand job and they got the picture. He wished he had topped now, if Harry liked being the bottom…That was he could at least pretend that he had a hope in hell of pleasing Harry_. Oh its not like it matters, it's never going to come to that anyways._ Snape snorted and watched the class, he could see how hard Harry was trying, but the poor boy was just exhausted. Severus desperately wanted to gather him in his arms and tell him…

Harry was extremely relived when the class was over. By some miracle his potion had turned out ok, but that was mostly because Draco and Hermione had watched him like hawks, making sure he didn't do anything too terrible.

"Thanks." He said as they walked out of the classrooms together. Draco wasn't in his charms class, but they had Transfiguration together. Harry managed to get though his whole day of classes, wich was the first time this year he had done so. But strangely, he didn't feel proud. It just made him feel angry that Hermione and Draco seemed to think it was something he should feel proud about. _No it isnt._ He wanted to snap. _Every one else can do it, I should be able to as well, I'm just being week. _

After classes he immediately started to work. He had handed in his herbology essay, to the delight of professor sprout, who awarded Harry five points (this only served to make Harry more angry, no one else got points for doing the _required _work.). But anyways, he managed to catch up on his potions reading by 4 o'clock , and only took a five minute break before he started transfiguration work. By 6 he felt that he had finally got the hang of changing a candle in to a kitten. His kitten still had a wick for a tail tail, but he felt that McGonagall would still be impressed. He had lessons with her in an hour, and still hadn't sent that letter to Snape. Not because he had changed his mind about having Severus as his shrink, but because he had no idea what to say to him. Finally when he felt he could put it off no longer, he pulled out a fresh sheet of parchment and some blue ink.

"Dear professor Snape" He started. And then stopped, what the hell was he meant to say?

"You asked me to owl you, so I am" (God that sounds ridiculous, harry thought) "owling you about seeing you as (he was going to say therapist, but then realized he didn't know how to spell it. He crossed out the word 'as' and replaced it with 'on') on a professional level. You know I meet with my professors Monday through Thursday at seven, but apart from that I'm free. Harry" He looked over the letter and snorted. "Seeing you on a professional level?" he saw him on that level every day- as his teacher. _God I sound so stupid…Well guess what?_ He thought bitterly_. I am stupid and he knows it already, no point trying to pretend I'm something im not._ He went to the owlery on the way to his transfiguration lesson, which went quite well compared to his last one.

By the time Harry came back there was a large black owl waiting for him by the fire. Ron and Hermione had also waited for him, wanting to make sure he came back safely. The owl was obviously snapes, it was cool and aloof, but Harry felt a warm connection to it and when he reached out to stoke his wing the bird put his head to the side and let out a soft 'coo' wich Harry took as a thank you. He gently took the letter away from the bird, which hopped closer to the fire after Harry was done.

"Dear Mr. Potter.

Yes, I think it would be a good idea if we met. Why not Friday night at seven?

Severus."

Harry smiled, he didn't know why but he was very relived that he hadn't been rejected by Snape.

" Professor, Yes thank you, Fridays would be fine, do you want me to go to your classroom? Harry."

Harry desperately wanted to call Severus by his first name but felt that that would be far to assuming. He sent his reply off with Severus bird, who gave Harry an affectionate nip before flying off. Harry was just starting on a bit of charms when it was back again. Harry smiled as he read over the response;

"Mr Potter,

No, come to my private rooms, I think you would be more comfortable there. Come at seven and do not be late.

Severus."

Harry smiled and fed the owl a treat before it swooped back in to the night. "What did he want?" Ron asked. He hadn't really talked to Harry much since he found out about his sexual preferences. "He's a physiatrist. He thought it might be a good idea if I talked to him…" "oh that's sound like a good idea!" Hermione said encouragingly. "I hope he helps you Harry!" "Yeah mate..." Ron mumbled. They fell in to slightly stilted conversation, no one wanting to say anything that might upset someone else. After about half an hour Hermione started to do more work with Harry, who was still went to his extra help, although he wasn't really sure how much good it was doing him, But he wanted his friends to stay so badly that he would do anything to keep them.

Friday night came quickly for both student and professor, and at 6:30 Servus was nervously cleaning his living room. He wanted to think that he decided to hold their appointments in his rooms for Mr. Potter's comfort, but part of him knew that that wasn't entirely true. He wanted Harry. He wanted Harry in his rooms, to see him sitting on his couch, or warming himself by Severus' fire. The last time Harry had been in these rooms Severus' felt so content, just knowing that they were together. But Harry didn't have to know that. And he probably would like a relaxed environment more than the cold and dark one in his potions class room. He went over his notes, feeling slightly nervous. He knew he had to get this right. There were a million ways to screw up and only a few ways to do it right. The thought didn't comfort Severus. There were times, like these, where he just felt so utterly revolting. So…profoundly twisted, useless and guilty. He was thinking about coming on to his patient/ student, who was obviously in need of serous physiatrist help, not a much older professor gagging to have sex with him.

At a few minutes to seven and Severus heard a light tapping at his door. He opened it up to see Harry potter, who was panting slightly. "Mr Potter." He said silkily. Harry was breathing fast and he was slightly pink in the checks. Severus mean while was in basically the same outfit that he wore the last time Harry had been there, apart from his top, which was slightly tighter and slytherin green. His toned muscles were evident and Harry wondered briefly how he had toned them, did he work out? Because he defiantly didn't play quiddich. Harry hadn't really stood this close to him before (well, he had when Severus escorted him to his tower, but he wasn't really awake then. ) he hadn't noticed just how tall Severus was. He was head and shoulders above Harry. _The perfect height for a hug_, Harry thought wistfully.

"come in." Severus, who had just had a similar thought, said.

Harry walked in and Severus closed the door behind him, his eyes traveling down Harry's back to his behind, which was presented beautifully in a pair of light blue jeans. On his top half Harry wore a baggy white t-shirt that looked slightly old.

"Sit down." Severus told him. "where?" he asked. "anywhere you like." Inwardly, Harry groaned, it felt like a test, one he was bound to fail. Finally he sat on the couch that he had occupied when he was passed out. Severus, who had been getting something, drew a chair with his wand (in much the same way Harry had seen his old headmaster do so) but it was not a squishy arm chair that had appeared, in stead a sturdy but elegant chair came in to view. Sanpe sat down delicately in it.

"So." He said, looking at the boy, who had still not said a word. "why are you here?"

"for therapy." Harry answered him. Snape was sure if he was being humorous, or if he was being obstructive…in all honesty, Harry said it just to remind himself that he wasn't there on a social visit, even though as he wanted to be.

"but why do you need therapy?" Severus pushed. "what's wrong?"

Harry lent back, resting his head on the back of the couch and looking away from Severus. In hind sight, maybe this was a bad idea, he didn't really want Severus to know all of his problems, he wanted Severus to respect him, maybe even like him... "Well. I can't sleep for one thing, and I feel like I never want to eat, I'm getting kinda paranoid…" he took a shaky breath "and I feel extremely anxious when I'm alone, even if I'm alone for only a few minutes, and I'm failing of all my classes, and I'm more stressed than ive ever been before."

Severus let concern fill his eyes, and if Harry had been looking he would have seen. But he wasn't looking. "When you say your getting paranoid, what do you mean?" his concern bled in to voice, not enough for Harry to notice, but it was defiantly there.

There was a long pause but finally he said; "I get…" he didn't know how to put it, frightened, didn't cover it. "I get convinced that something's going to happen. Something bad. I don't know what, but its…terrifying. And I know how stupid it is, I know that Voldermort is gone and I've never been safer. But I can't help it. I'm on edge. I… it's like. Ah, I can't explain it, I'm just…frightened."

Severus felt something inside him break. "Can I get a drink of water sir?" Harry asked, feeling the back of his eyes sting. "Of corse" Severus said, "make yourself comfortable." He got up , feeling slightly shaky. He didn't think it would affect him this much, but it really did. He quickly got Harry a drink and walked back in to find Harry had kicked his shoes off and was sitting on his feat.

"Here." "Thanks." Harry said as he took the water. "I'm sorry to hear this Harry." Severus said, the concern now shinning out of his face. Now that Harry had seen it, he found that he couldn't look away from Snape. Harry lent his elbow on the arm of the sofa and put his chin on his fist.

"What set off this feeling? Its it always there? Does it get worse with certain triggers?" "Umm…" Harry said, his eyes flicking away from Severus's face, but his body staying the same. "It only really happens when im alone."

_Maybe I could just stay with you forever_. Severus thought. "why do you think that is?" he said, trying to be gentle.

"I don't know…maybe I feel more vunerable then?"

"Maybe…do you think it could be because you are no longer in control?" Harry gave him a quizzical look and he continued. "Well, during the war you were always left to be in control. And when you're alone you can't be, because there is no one else for you to protect. I can understand it Harry, I really can, but I think it's important that that doesn't become all that you are. It's very noble of you, to take responsibility for others. But you have to understand that they are their own and they make their own decisions."

Harry seemed to think about it for a moment and then nodded. "you might be right." By this time Harry's lower body was spread across the length of the couch, he looked luxurious and his face was still looking at Severus with…longing was it? Yes it was longing, but was it longing for his teacher or for a better life? Severus didn't know and didn't dare to hope.

"When you arrive, you were breathing heavily. Was it because you ran here? Because didn't want to walk alone?"

"Yes. " he blushed slightly. "very astute of you sir."

"You don't have to call me "Sir" Harry, I am calling you by your first name after all." Severus dearly wanted to know what his name sounded like, rolling of off Harry's tongue.

Harry smiled, and shiver a went down his spine. For one insane moment he contemplated simply pulling Snape towards him and devorining his lips. But he didn't.

"All right, Severus." Severus did his best to suppress a moan as Harry said his name.

"I really don't think it's a good idea for you to do that…run I mean. Your only enabling your fears…." Harry nodded, there was a slight pause, Severus waiting to see if Harry wanted to elaborate on that particular subject.

"Now, what are we going to do about your eating?" Severus asked, They talked for quite a while longer, Harry feeling more attracted to Severus than he thought possible. It wasn't just the physical attraction that he felt with other people, it was an emotional attraction. He wanted the best for Severus, he wanted to know Severus, he wanted…Severus. His mind and his body. They finished after an hour and a half, half an hour more than Severus was expecting. Harry flashed him another gorgeous smile. "you owe me three questions." Harry reminded him cheekily.

"What? No I don't. you said only after tutoring."

"I said after official meetings."

Severus wasn't convinced but he gave in anyways. "fine. you have three questions?"

Harry nodded, looking coy "What do you most want?"

"Love." Severus said simply, the magic pulling the answer out of him before he was even able to think about it. But as soon as he heard his answer he knew it was true. Harry felt a lightness in him, a kind he had never felt before. He smiled and continued. "What do you regret most?"

"Oh god." Severus said, "Everything. Everything I didn't do. The opportunities I should have taken but didn't, the times I second guessed myself, or hesitated just a little too long.." Harry looked at him in mild surprise. "One last question? Or do I get a reprieve?" Severus asked, gently teasing him.

"nope." Harry said, his smile growing. "Ok…was my father really as bad as you've told me he was?" Severus's smile faded.

"James…came from one of those family's that gave him whatever he wanted without him having to lift a finger." He paused as if remembering. "he did strut. And he was popular and he knew it. Everyone loved James. He was a crowd pleaser. He would do whatever would keep him popular. He did try and be kind, but often boyhood amusement and kindness were not the same thing. He was arrogant. But the war did change him. The war started when we were 20, by then he had matured quite a bit, and he knew how serious the war was going to be, a long time before most people realized it. He changed, in the end, but I was too bitter to forgive him." Harry nodded mutely. "Go to your dorm, Potter, or you'll be out after curfew." His voice sounded tired and sad and Harry complied, wishing him a good night as he departed.

Severus sat there for a long time, letting the warmth of the fire wash over him and mulling over the night. It had gone quite well, they didn't cover all that much, but they had time, there was no need to rush. _Severus_. Harry voice floated though his mind. _Oh, Harry _he thought. He knew that they would never be lovers, never hold each other naked or wake up next to each other. But what if they could be friends? Severus briefly imagined a life for himself that wasn't lonely and cold. Surly that was possible? They had got closer in the last month than he could have ever dreamed, who knew what could happen in a year? Severus envisioned Harry in a few years time…_he was perhaps 25 or so, and was getting married to some face-less girl in white. Severus knew he wouldn't be the best man, but in his fantasies he was present, and welcomed. He would feel a pang of jealously, but maybe, maybe he could be happy. _

_And then a few years after that; Harry would want a big family he was sure, and perhaps they would come round for dinner sometimes, perhaps they would send him Christmas presents. He didn't expect them to know or remember his birthday, but some little thing…_ He let himself stare in to the fire late in to the night, each fantasy becoming more and more wild until Harry had no family, was 17 as he was now, and was naked in Severus's arms.


End file.
